Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Sarah Palin Puts Faith in God

'Cause . . . where the hell else you gonna put it?

Personally, I put my faith in large quantities of chocolate. We're talking pounds here, people. Believe it. And I don't have squat to show for it, except maybe a spare tire iron. (No, not a spare tire, a spare tire iron. It's heavy.)

If The Palin scores the Presidency in either 2012 or 2016, I HEREBY SWEAR that I will put my faith in God and will vote for the Republicon Party for the rest of time.

Here's what God's gift to stupid had to say:
"I'm like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I'm like, don't let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is."
Remember the guy who talked about God calling him home if his university didn't raise some millions? Who was that jerk-off. (And I don't want to give masturbation a bad name. To paraphrase Woody Allen, it's sex with some one I almost like.) Oral Roberts, that's the jerk-off.

God! Go Oral on Sarah Palin's ass, goddamnit!

Palin added:
And if there is an open door in [20]12 or four years later, and if it is something that is going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I'll plough through that door.
Plough through that open door, Sarah. Just let the door be an exit on an airplane flying at 30,000 feet.

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