More Solid Gold Art!

Some may remember the Greatest Statue of the Century from some months ago — a SOLID GOLD statue of a contorted model Kate Moss. Whew! That's one heapin' big pile of art.

Now we have MORE SOLID GOLD ART! And remember, if it's gold, it must be art!

The esteemed Gagosian Gallery has announced it will show the new work by artist Chris Burden — at the Gagosian's Beverly Hills gallery, not New York. Somehow it seems for appropriate in LA.

One Ton, One Kilo, a new masterpiece from daring Chris Burden. It's a genuine Chris Burden Original. Burden, some may remember, has done some pretty edgy stuff. In 1974 he had himself crucified on a Volkswagen Beetle. Now that was art.

What is Christ Burden going to do now? Is he going to melt down masses of gold and have himself gilded while still living (at least by all accounts)? Is he going to swallow molten gold as some were forced to do in the grand old days of the Middle Ages (whose torture techniques were popular in the Bush years and haven't been fully forsworn by Obama)?

Who knows? The piece has been held up (ha ha ha) by the great trend of our time . . . the Ponzi Scheme. Not in this case the Greatest Ponzi Scheme of all, the financial collapse and the bailout. Not the model American Bernard Madoff. This time it's R. Allen Stanford. Stanford Coins and Bullion sold Gagosian the gold. Now it's frozen by court order.

Oh, the burden of artists. Saints preserve us.

In all fairness, I haven't even seen this shite yet. So who the hell am I to talk. I ain't nobody, that's who I am. I just have a problem with millionaire artistes making millions out of millions and even more with pole up the ass galleries. But it was ever thus.